We are proud to introduce you to Lindy Bruce - a truly inspirational mother, author, intuitive counselor, public speaker and workshop facilitator.

MOTHERHOOD AND ME
Learning to live happily together

My journey started when my husband and I decided to go to Canada for a work sabbatical, and a little adventure. Murray, my oldest son was eleven months old when we left for Canada and within the next two and a half years I bore two more children, Rosie and Alastair. In the three and a half years that I took to produce these amazing little people, I lost myself completely. Motherhood was not what I had expected and I was not the mother that I had expected to be. Instead of the ever patient, fun loving, energetic mother- who- wanted- to- stay- at- home- and- look- after- her- children- all- day I had dreamt myself to be, I was tired, confused and frustrated. My love for my children was all consuming, but I was not happy. I wanted to be happy and more than anything I wanted to enjoy this time when my children were so small and new and changing so rapidly. I knew that these baby years were going to pass quickly and I did not want them to be a blur of frustrated and desperate memories. As it turned out, my journey had very little to do with parenting. Becoming a mother was the catalyst to starting a profound journey of self discovery and spiritual growth. I have learnt more about myself through my children and the pressures of being a mother than through any other life experience. In my search for sanity I re-discovered my true self which allowed me to find happiness and contentment in my life as mother, wife and woman.

As with any story it is best to start at the beginning. The following extract is the first entry into my journal on 10 March 2001.

I have always talked about keeping a journal, but never have. Today for whatever reason I find myself with a lot to say and I want to write it down. And so begins my first journal….

Ten months ago my husband, Cameron, our 10 month old son, Murray, and I left our home in South Africa and traveled to Fogo Island in Newfoundland in Canada, where Cameron had accepted a position as a Doctor at the local hospital.

Fogo Island is a very small and remote island off the North East Coast of Newfoundland. It is made up of 11 small communities and the majority of the people work in the fishing industry. We arrived on Fogo Island towards the end of May 2000 and it was far more beautiful than we had imagined. We had the most wonderful summer. Cam’s work load at the hospital was manageable and as a result he was able to spend a lot of time with Murray and me.

We had left a country where there is plenty of domestic help available and I had been warned about the difficulties of looking after a small baby all on my own and doing all the housework. In the first six to eight months I did not find this a problem at all. Murray found the housework great fun and after our chores were done we would spend the days on the beach, walking to the ponds, throwing stones into the ocean or at the park having picnics.

But as with everything seasons change and to begin with this was also exciting. Fall was beautiful and when the ponds froze over we had great fun ice-skating. Christmas Eve was the start of the blizzards and it was also the start of a new little life as we discovered I was pregnant again. The morning sickness started a few days into our holiday. When we returned to Fogo Island it was covered in snow and I was sick morning, noon and night. Murray was sick too and Cameron was snowed under in work at the hospital and trying to study for an exam.

What followed were two months of blizzards and nausea, with no support from family. Cameron and I were so busy trying to survive on our own that we had very little to give to each other and our relationship suffered. Weeks flowed into weekends and back into weeks and all the while I tried to entertain an 18 month old boy inside while my own soul was crying out for the outdoors and sunshine. It was such a hard two months and I immersed myself in spiritual books trying to rid myself of the heavy sadness I felt in my heart and to try and bring some stability and peacefulness to my fluctuating emotions.

I should give some insight into the thoughts and emotions that I have been struggling with. I am a great idealist, particularly when it comes to family and family life. I always thought that I would be a good mother and approach it with energy and joy. During the months of winter and nausea I found being a mother to Murray very difficult and instead of being happy I was grumpy and tired and what it boiled down to was that I was not coping. This was very hard to accept. Being a mother is my only responsibility here and if I was not good at that then what was I good at? I found that I needed constant reassurance from other people as to my own self worth, but at the same time I was very resentful of people, Cam in particular, because they could not help me.

The year that followed saw me falling deeper and deeper into a big black hole until something snapped. I was miles away from home I had a family to care for. I knew I had to dig very deep in order to find the answers I needed to become happy in myself and in my life as a mother. I knew the answers were within me, but I had no idea how to find them. This was the journal entry that I wrote two and a half years later on 31 December 2003.

I feel like I have come full circle. I said earlier on in this journal that I knew that my happiness had to come from within. I knew that the only self esteem that was lasting had to come from within. I have contemplated and meditated on “acceptance, patience, security and faith”. I knew that all these gifts were within reach and although I know that my journey will be on going with ups and downs…for now… I have found a sense of happiness, of equilibrium, a sense of faith in the unknown and a sense of self esteem that comes from a place deep within me. A place that knows who I am and what I want to do and has a very strong faith in the ever present God within. I find the unknown exciting. I am enjoying the journey each day at a time with the knowledge that everything will happen in its own time.

I am loving my children, my husband, and my family. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such special people. This does not mean that I walk around on a constant high….I still have days when things don’t go so well. But I get over these difficult times much more quickly and find my equilibrium again. I am so grateful for what has happened within me. It is miraculous, but at the same time I remember that it has been a painful journey and I am proud of myself for seeing it through. I look forward to what is still to come. The important thing being that I know that no matter how tough life gets, somewhere in the distance there will be a wonderful silver lining waiting to embrace me.

With the gift of hindsight I have realized that my four years in Canada gave me two things that my life in South Africa hadn’t – time and solitude. With all that time on my own I was able to think, contemplate and write and slowly the answers started to come. It is the journal entries that I wrote in the space of these two years that I have used to form the foundation of the Motherhood and Me Workshop. Reading back I realized that so many women are battling with similar issues and asking the same questions. The answers we are looking for are universal. What I discovered is that within each of us is a very deep well of wisdom, faith, intuition, joy, understanding and love. We can see the evidence of this in our children. But slowly, slowly the complicated mix of emotions and circumstances that we call our lives takes us away from our true selves. If we can find our way back to our true selves we can heal so much of what is wrong with our lives. The Motherhood and Me Workshop is first and foremost a forum for mothers to get together and share their experiences. It is also a footpath to help you make practical and emotional space in your lives so that you can reconnect with your true selves and therefore start to create and maintain your own happiness and contentment.

Some insight from the participants of previous workshops:

“I will believe in myself and, in doing so, will make other people believe in me too.”

“Thank you, Lindy, for sharing yourself with us, and helping us all find our own personal keys to unlock our uniqueness…”

“I feel alive!”

“…every session brought some new insight…”

“…my first workshop I was emotionally drained, confused and my thoughts scattered…I felt like I could never rebuild the puzzle. At the end of the workshop I have …built the puzzle…”

“Thanks for all those wonderful life tools!”

“The workshops have got me going on a journey that I want to be on.”

“The greatest thing that I have learnt is to be the person I want to be.”