When I found out that I was pregnant my life changed in one second. I wanted to cry because I was happy but also I was sad I still can not explain it but it happened. I looked at my husband and the light in his eyes was so beautiful but I could not get myself to be as happy as he was. I just turned 29 and 5 days later I found out I was pregnant. In a way I made peace that I will never be a mommy due to personal circumstances.

Many days I cried and cried and when people started to say …..”You are huge” I wanted to cry more I was 20 weeks and I look like a little elephant, and still no movement and I was worried I did not know if this feeling of freedom that I have to give up made baby not wanted to live. The Dr told me there was movement and baby seems healthy and I was relieved and I realized I am ready to be a mom and that I was chosen for this baby and I will be okay. It is so weird some days you will feel pretty other days like a witch and other days just like the weather.

I am six months now and found just out that baby is going to be a girl. I am so exited but still afraid sometimes…….. will I be able to handle this mom experience I am used to be on my own and the other thing is I really want to be a stay at home mom now that I am in this thing of excepting and understanding what a great gift I know that I will be love being a stay at home mom. To capture her first word, her first step and her first of everything makes me so positive.

I can not wait for her to join our lives. I can not wait to smell her the first time, to hold her and to love her. What a great gift and what a great future to look forward to.

From
M. Kilian the happy mother to be