Although several of my friends have their babies in their bedrooms with them at night, my husband and I really want our baby to have his own room. I am feeling upset because a friend made a remark about it being uncaring. Is it bad for my baby to sleep in his own room?

If you were an uncaring mother, the remark would not have upset you in the first place. Every family in the world has their own way of doing things. You have thought this issue through and as a family decided that this is the set up that works best for you. If your baby is happy and content to sleep in his own bedroom, as a great many are, then there is no problem.

Make sure that the room of the baby is close enough that you do hear him if he is unhappy, and that you go to him if he calls you. You may hear criticism that your baby will lose trust in you if he calls and you do not respond. But if you are close enough to hear him, and do go to him if he needs you, then he will learn that he can trust you to come if he calls. This is the main disadvantage of this system for the mother, that you have to physically get up and go to your baby if he cries. This can be very exhausting if he gets sick, or is restless due to teething. It’s also a bit tough on a cold winter night!

The advantages to this type of arrangement are that baby will learn to be independent, and you will circumvent the later trauma of moving baby to his own room. There may be some advantage from a sleep point of view. All babies go through periods of light sleep, and may be restless and call out. However if left alone the majority will fall back to sleep. This is an important skill to learn, as falling back to sleep on his own after periods of light sleep (which usually signal the end of a dream cycle) are vital for him to be able to sleep through the night. If he is very close by, his restlessness tends to wake the mother, who will rush to him. This may delay him learning this important skill.

So relax and remind yourself that you are following your own instincts and raising your baby your way. It is important lesson to remember when you encounter someone who is doing things differently to you, and are tempted to criticise.

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